Things I Learned From the Movies: Pearl Harbor

I remember when this movie first came out and I was SO EXCITED. I thought this was going to be the Pacific theater's version of Saving Private Ryan. Man, was I wrong. SPR was an Historical Epic; Pearl Harbor is a Historical Action movie.

Lesson #6: Southern Accents are not difficult to master.

From the kids at the beginning of the movie to the less-than-stellar acting of Hartnett and Affleck, the accents are horrible in this movie. Hollywood underestimates the difficulty of both the Southern American and English accents. Drew Barrymore in Everafter? Not an English accent. It was just an accent. Affleck manages to speak in the hickest, dumbest redneck accent of no particular area in the land. This goes for Scottish accents as well--as long as their unintelligible and unlike Mel Gibson's, then they must be fine. Right?

And where is Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s accent? His character was from Texas.

Lesson #7: Nothing emphasizes the tragedy of war like some slapstick comedy.

Affleck's character, Rafe, is a mess. He somehow manages to get Evelyn through a comedy of errors while getting inoculated. Their first date is also a mess, with his nose getting broken (again), and then nearly plunges the two of them into an icy ocean. This is highlighted by some of his pilot buddies using all kinds of means to get a girl, like stuttering and tears. And the sad thing? It works.

Lesson #8: Revolving doors are dangerous.

Did you see how fast that door was moving when Rafe was saying good-bye to Evelyn? I can't see how anyone could leave that building without losing a limb.

Lesson #9: Want to elevate your film to be art-house worthy? Put in subtitles!

Bonus points if it's in a non-European language. Double bonus points if it's a little known dialect. Points will be taken away if it's Affleck's southern accent.

Lesson # 10: When you are being chased by the enemy, have a video camera handy.

You'll get money for it later on--that is, if you survive.

Lesson # 11: When attempting to run from one air field to another, wait until the planes are not about to attack you.

Overall, apart from fifteen minutes at the middle which should be the heart of the movie, Pearl Harbor was a dud. Instead of focusing on the attack of Pearl Harbor, the movie veers into Titanic territory, with the tragedy sandwiched in between the love triangle of the main characters. The best part of the movie was the section of the attack. The movie would have been more powerful had they focused on the build-up to the attack from the point of view of the military alongside the Japanese preparations. Everything got lost on the focus of the love story.

It could have been so much better.

Things I Learned From the Movies: U-571

As a history student and teacher, I find movies with a historical bend to them difficult to watch. I cringe at Braveheart and hate how a totally awesome story like the Duchess of Devonshire's was made boring in The Duchess. (The reality is always better.) But over the years I have started to make a distinction between two types of historical movies: The Epic Historical and The Action Historical. The former is more serious and based more closely to reality, whereas the former may have occurred in a historical time frame as long as it was in a Parallel Universe.

Braveheart and The Duchess are Epic Historicals.

U-571 is not.

Sometimes, but not always, the cast can be the clue as to which type of movie that I am watching, but this is highly flawed. For example, Mel Gibson was in Braveheart, but he was also in Patriot, which is an Action Historical.

In the case of U-571, Matthew McConnaughy and Jon Bon Jovi are the clues. These are not actors who show up in Epic Historicals. The movie is loosely based on the Allies attaining the Enigma code machine from the Germans during WW2. With the capture of one of these machines, the Allies could break the German code and save the world from annihilation. The vast majority of the work on the Enigma decoding was done by the British at Bletchley Park. Which leads to:

Lesson #1: No one is interested in watching the Brits save the day.

To be fair, the movie came out in 2000, which was before Clive Owen and Gerard Butler came into the action movie ranks. Orlando Bloom was still cavorting about in his elf gear. That's not to say that there were no good British actors working in the States at that time. I just can't think of any. Also, everyone knows that the Americans won the war and saved the world from Hitler. (Cue eye roll.) Unfortunately, because of this attitude in Hollywood, we don't seem to really get how good the Brits were doing at holding off. Yes, things were dark, but comparatively, we had it easy. Everyone was getting bombed. We weren't.

Lesson #2: Watch how you contain the prisoner.

Just because someone doesn't speak the same language as you doesn't make that person stupid. It just makes you unable to understand them. The German U-Boat commander was a smart guy--if he weren't, he wouldn't have been commander. He wouldn't have the suitable amount of stubble, and he wouldn't have that plaid shirt under an awesome cabled sweater. He was smart enough to act like he's an electrician, so let's go with that for a moment. If he were a sub's electrician, he probably knows the sub very well. So, when handcuffing him to a part of the sub, make sure he has more than one guard. And that said guard isn't a fresh-fashed sailor.

Lesson #3: It's okay to wildly shoot a gun in a submarine.

Jon Bon Jovi did it, and nothing happened. It didn't hit anything--those bullets just disappeared. Not one pierced the hull.

Lesson #4: When pretending to be Germans in order to infiltrate a German sub, make sure more than two people speak German.

So, our boy McConnaughy goes over to the sub with two boats full of sailors. Only two can speak German. This is not a good idea. They would be discovered fast. And they were. See Lesson #3.

And what if those two people were shot? Non-German Speaking Germans are suspicious to Germans. And we're supposed to believe America won the war? No wonder the rest of the world thinks we are stupid.

Lesson #5: Diversity on a submarine is a good idea. Especially if it's cliched and stereotypical.

You have to have the guy who doesn't want to be in charge but ends up being in charge.

An Italian with a chip on his shoulder.

A gunner named Trigger.

A mechanic named Tank.

The best friend who dies.

The chief engineer who is wise and gives advice to the first guy. And is played by Harvey Keitel. The token black guy who is the cook and miraculously knows how to pilot a sub.

And thus finishes the Inaugural Post of "Lessons Learned".

On Collecting

Over Thanksgiving I went to visit the family and stayed with my parents. I ended up carting back two giant boxes of Barbies that I collected in high school and college. I was honestly hoping that they'd stay on the shelf at my parents until the end of time, but I was living a fantasy.

So, I hauled them back and kept them in the garage for two weeks until I had time to figure out where to put them. I'm at the point where I just want to take them out of the boxes and throw them in the Big Barbie Carry-all (okay, it's a Rubbermaid box) of the dolls I did play with. None of the dolls that I "collected" were high end ones with the exception of the King Arthur and Guinevere dolls (along withe Romeo and Juliet, part of the ironic "Together Forever series). Even those, comparatively, aren't high end.

When I first bought these dolls, most of them reproductions of the first Barbies, I took them out of the boxes. That's half the fun of these things, being able to take them out! But of course, the money is in keeping them in a box on a shelf somewhere. And in the interests of cleanliness (dusting is a pain), I packed them back in their boxes. Where they sat for ten years.

So, now I take a look at them. Tonight, in fact. And what do I find? Decayed elastic. Dust in the boxes, in a cosmic joke just to say, "See, you have to dust the doll anyway!" Box or not. And I go on E-bay. Guess what? Not shockingly, reproduction dolls aren't in big demand.

Of course, my joy in collecting them was not in the value they may or may not gain in time. Look at the Beanie Baby craze! All that money spent on beans and fabric that you can't give away at Goodwill.

Boxes tear over time; seams rip. Fabric fades and elastic decays. The usefulness of the item is now lost, and what joy did I get from the item? I can go back and point out other items I've "collected"--those My Little Ponies of about six years ago, got tons of those. All that Star Trek stuff, hundreds of dollars of ephemera that has long been sent off to a friend after an effort to clean out my house. That never-completed Enterprise model that I so desperately wanted. The Wesley Crusher action figure. That one hurts to admit. That Transformers toy. Had to have that one. Why? Oh, and I can't forget the Breyer Horse models from high school as well. (Those were replaced on the shelf by the Barbies.)

Am I enjoying them now? No. I can honestly say that the only things I still actively collect are my Donald Duck items (I can so identify with him and his irritated attitude!) and my American Girl dolls. That last collection has been the most enduring for me, having begun when I was 11 years old with the now-retired Samantha doll. I still buy things for them, and most importantly, I ENJOY them. They are not fads, like the others.

The Betrayal of the Blood Lily by Lauren Willig

The Betrayal of the Blood Lily is the sixth (I think, I've lost count) in Lauren Willig's romance/chick-lit/mystery series that follows a series of spies named after flowers. The action has decamped from the British Isles and has arrived in India during the Napoleonic Era.

Lady Frederick Staines, born Penelope Deveraux, has found herself and her husband sent to India after their forced marriage. Neither is really fond of the other, but she must follow her husband, Lord Wellesley's special envoy to Hyderabad. They are escorted by Captain Alex Reid, who has spent his entire life in India. Suffice it to say, they run into danger, death threats, snakes, people who look like snakes, adultery, twisted family relationships, and more stupid flowery spies.

I'm going to be honest. I bought this book off the bargain pile. In fact, I have bought the entire series off the bargain table. I had bought this one full price, but God told me that I was being stupid because I got home and found out that the book's binding was severely damaged. So I took it back. And guess what I found on the bargain table? That's right. This book. This infuriating book.

I don't get the title, because there is no Blood Lily involved, just a French spy called The Marigold. Then there's an Indian spy called Frangipani. In fact, Blood Lilies are native to Africa and the Arabian Peninsula, not India. I'm just tired of the spies. How long is this going to go on? It has ceased being creative and has now turned to a joke. "I wonder what flower is going to be used next? Ha ha."

Willig seems to have hit the "spy as romantic hero" trend on its way down. It's tired. It has been done. A lot. In fact, these books shouldn't even be hardback but straight to mass market due to the quality.

And I'm especially tiring of Eloise and Colin's love story that has been the thread among all these books.

D.

Liveblogging New Moon

Yesterday was my friend's kid's seventh birthday, and it was Twilight themed. Now, if you read my review of Twilight, I didn't care for it. It took me three months to read. But yesterday I watched the movie, quite willingly, for the second time. The hilarious part was when the kid kept taking her Twilight Barbie dolls and manipulating them along with the movie. She did slack off about half-way through, in which I was resorted to drastic measures by throwing things at the dolls to make them leave the scene.

2:00 Dream Sequence: Uh, Bella, that's not your gran. That's YOU. I got it way before you did. And I know what scares you.... not that you'll age and Edward won't, but that you'll look like that.

3:15 Romeo and Juliet: You're a senior in high school and you're just now reading this? What is Forks High School, severe remediation?

5:00 The color is WAY better in this movie. Bella must have been out in the sun because she's not as pale, and neither is Edward. What is that? Edward cracked a smile? Still needs a haircut, though. But, considering he's dead, his hair shouldn't grow, right? And I can see that the tangerine lip stain has been replaced by coral.

8:10 Jasper still has the broody "Humans are tasty" look.

8:40 Forget the vampires. Who cries when watching Romeo and Juliet? And that teacher who quotes along with the movie is Lame. I'm not saying that I don't quote along with movies, because I do. But I quote cool movies, like Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Oh, and The Scarlet Pimpernel. For example:

"I thought you were the Scarlet Pimpernel. "
"I could never presume to fill those shoes. I lack sufficient courage."
"I have yet to meet a more courageous, or a more handsome, cavalier."

I wonder how many times Edward has watched/read this story.

10:00 Tangerine lip stain is back. Thanks, Edward. And how cliched to quote the movie.

12:00 Edward, you have told the vampire secret and killed another vampire. I'm thinking the Voltari are going to come after you and rip your head off. Oh, if wishes were dollars....

Predictably, like a nut, Bella wants to be changed.

13:45 The vampires have discovered bronzer! They're not so pale! Emmett seems to be so human with the purchase of a good car radio. Oh, and nothing like a good vampire fight! No, it's a LOT of blood, Alice. Oh, and I know what's going to happen now. Edward will think it's his fault, go all passive aggressive and think that it's better off that he leaves, and Bella will be mooning about most of the rest of the movie.

And to think: I could be writing lesson plans!

18:00 Cue the regrets.

20:00 .... And he's not at school. Instead, he's at Bella's house, rooting around in her room for something. Oh, this can't be good. He wants them to take a walk! Oh, that's the death knell of the relationship right there. Walks never bring good news. Edward is obviously using the "Carlisle looks too young" excuse to break up with her. In the world of plastic surgery, Carlisle can botox those wrinkles away. I'd be more worried about Esme's looks staying the same.

23:30 And this is where Bella stars moping for the next hour. Edward, you can't break up with someone, ask them not to be reckless, and then say you'll never see her again, for her own sake. She's 18, Edward, she won't understand. This is the end of her world. She's going to listen to today's version of Alanis Morisette for hours in her room, stop washing her hair, and start to physically resemble the zombie she feels like inside. Better off faking your own death, dude. Or actually do it. you know you're bored with high school. You've graduated 20 times. At best, you're an illegal alien because you have no social security number, and you died in 1918 of the flu.

27:00 Shirtless Indian finds Bella. Brings her home. Jacob looks pissed off. Hey, but at least Edward's gone, mate. Now you have a chance. It's Halloween and Bella is dressed up as a zombie.... oh, wait. Nope. She's just depressed. And she's been sitting in her room, in the same spot for months. Time passes by, and it's December, and she's still sitting in the same chair. Now she's back at school. Now she's having nightmares. And receiving Undeliverable Mail notices from Alice's e-mail account.

30:45 Charlie wants her to go to Jacksonville to be with her mother because she's going through vampire withdrawal. So she's goes to a movie with a friend about zombies, and the friend wonders if it's a parallel for leprosy or consumerism or man's need to fit in or about the zombie apocalypse? Because we need to be worried about those zombies. And now Bella's going to do something reckless because Edward told her not to in her head, and she wants to see Edward, so she's going to do reckless things just to see his face. There's got to be a pill for that.

37:00 Yep. Stupid and reckless. And you're playing with Jacob, which upsets me. And his hair? Nicer than mine. I'm against that. Though I do love how Jacob turns everything into a Red/White issue. The repartee seems to be much more witty than in Twilight.

43:00 Bella finds something reckless to do--cliff-diving! Woot woot!

45:00 Here's where I'm having issues with Edward's "you'll never see me again"--it was a lie. Every time she's reckless, she sees him. What a crock! It's passive-aggressive behavior at its height! He's not helping her. As long as he keeps showing up when she's being reckless, she's going to continue being reckless. When you stop showing up, she's going to realize it's not going to help, being reckless to see you! Stop it!

50:00 Face Punch has to be the worst movie ever. After the one I'm watching , that is. (And don't hold Bella's hand.)

55:00 I bet Jacob's going through that change-of-werewolf time. It's a time that every young pup must go through on his way to becoming an adult werewolf-shapeshifter thing. When you have your "change", you cut your hair off, get an awesome tatt, and cut your jeans off so you have long shorts. Poor Bella, everyone is pushing her away! And stop e-mailing Alice!

1:01:00 That vampire dude is back. I don't know his name, the one with the dreds. He's right! He left you behind unprotected! At least it would be a better death than if Victoria killed her. Go ahead, let him kill you! Damn. The werewolves had to come out, ruin all my fun.

1:05:00 Werewolves are awesome.

1:10:00 who wants a vampire when werewolves are SO AWESOME? Vampires are all broody and depressed but werewolves get it done.

1:16:00 The truth is out about Victoria and that she's after Bella. Not missing Edward right about now. :) And stop e-mailing Alice! And just when I think Bella is getting over Edward, she cliff-dives.

1:26:00 I'm with Jacob. If James could totally trick Bella in Twilight, then Victoria could make her think the Cullens are back in town! Go with the hunky, brave, open werewolf, Bella! He's got a tan! Edward is too broody! And pale!

Alice finally got an e-mail. Maybe if she checked her email instead of relying on faulty psychic images, she'd know Bella didn't die.

1:32:00 Might I say that Jacob is brilliant? He's about to kiss Bella and guess who calls? Edward. Who is supposedly never going to go back to Bella but keeps warning her anyway, using his passive-aggressive personality to keep her tied to him. So, Jacob says that Charlie is too busy arranging a funeral and hangs up! Of course, Edward is going to think it's Bella's funeral. And it's not!

1:33:00 Edward wants to die now. Oh, I see. Romeo and Juliet. And Bella's not really dead. Wow. That's a subtle parallel.

1:37:30 The townspeople are chanting "Imhotep." I swear it! That's what all crowds chant! "Imhotep! Imhotep!"

Edward! Put that shirt on! Nasty! Where's Jacob when you need him?

1:44:00 The Volturi. Boring. Flashes of Cedric Diggory's death.

1:50:46 How stupid.

1:53:48 Sap sap sappy. Maple trees sappy. And WTH with the voting to become a vampire? I think they should go to couple's counseling. He's obviously against her decision, and to have this animosity around for the rest of forever isn't good for their relationship.

This ending sucked. A lot.

Creative Keepsakes Sampler

This design is by Joy Hall and was called "Creative Keepsakes". I found it languishing in my mom's craft book collection.

This is the main sampler. There were two more designs of smaller, companion samplers that I do not have plans for at the moment.

Rose of Sharon Finished!

I actually finished this project at the end of February, but better late then never! I really loved this project, but I am glad to have gotten it done!

The Hazards of Hunting a Duke by Julia London

I remember first reading Julia London's "The Rogues of Regent Street" series in college, when they were first published in 2000. I really liked those books, so I moved on to the "Highland Lockhart Family" series, which I liked, but not as much. (I have issues with the heavy-handed use of the Scottish accent, as if I couldn't figure out they were Scottish without it.) Then London moved into contemporary fiction, and I moved on to other authors.

So, when I was at the bookstore looking for something to read--and having read through the new releases I had wanted--I turned to an old favorite to see if I would like her new series, "The Desperate Debutantes." The name of the series itself should have told me, "run away!" because who wants to be around someone desperate? And that there's more than one desperate debutante as well!

In fact, the book is filled with desperation. Ava Fairchild is desperate to find a husband after her mother's death leaves her and her sister destitute. The Marquis of Middleton is desperate for a wife that isn't the one his father chose for him. His father, the duke, is desperate for his son to man up and have an heir for the dukedom that will one day be his.

London attempts to bring humor into the book, but it falls a bit flat and slapstick. In a bid to get a suitable husband on a shoestring, Ava and her sister need to run a household with cheap servants. They go to the poor house to find servants whom they can't pay but are willing to house. Case in point, p. 67:

They had also managed to retain Mr. William Pell and his son, Mr. Samuel Pell, who had both been injured in a horrible carriage accident. Mr Pell the senior had lost a leg and therefore could no longer light lamps, as was his profession. HIs son, an apprentice, had a mangled arm that hung at a strange angle on his left side. But between the two of them, they managed to make one fairly decent footman.

Not only is the description lackluster, but the last line fell flat.

Both Ava and the Marquis enter their union knowing that the marriage was one of convenience. But, as this is a romance novel, feelings change and this is the plot that carries the book. The book is full of misunderstandings, not just between Ava and her new husband, but between her husband and his father.

Desperation, Misunderstandings, and Daddy Issues give this book a C.

Home in Carolina by Sherryl Woods

I've been a bad, bad blogger with not posting all year! But now that the school year has ended and I'm on summer vacation, maybe I can eek out a few posts between now and August!

I recently read Sherryl Woods's Home in Carolina, part of her Sweet Magnolias series. The story is set in the fictional town of Serenity, South Carolina and the main characters are the children of some of her Sweet Magnolias characters. Ty and Annie had been best friends since childhood and destined to be together, until he cheats on her with a baseball groupie. Devastated, she cut Ty out of her life, until he comes back to Serenity to recover from a sports injury and to win her back.

Seems like a straight-forward romance novel plot. There's the deception, the trust issues, and the happy ending. But the book is filled with subplots and too many ancillary characters.

1. Ty and his injury

2. Ty and the custody issue over his son from his groupie relationship

3. Annie's friend Sarah and her divorce

4. Annie's friend Raylene and her abusive situation

5. Helen, the divorce attorney, and her mother's relationship

6. Is Annie's anorexia coming back

The story is told from too many points of view, though primarily Ty, Annie, and Helen. Everyone has their two cents to put in. Annie's parents, Ty's parents, the other Sweet Magnolias... there's an awful lot of talking in this book and very little action. Every one tells Ty to cut Annie slack, he betrayed her, she's delicate, she has a point... but the entire book comes off as an Annie pity party. Yes, Ty screwed up. But sheesh.

I really have no desire to read the other five books that are in the series, especially if the others are as convoluted and "talky" like this one. D.

Rose of Sharon Update!

I am so close to done with Mirabilia's Rose of Sharon that I can taste it.

Maybe by the end of February?

'Tis the Season!

It's Christmas time! I love Christmas, and lately I'm beginning to like it more than in the previous few years. Christmas used to be about how many presents I got, but lately I've begun to look past the Christmas sales towards what the season really means: being with family. I've rethought who I buy presents for, and most of my Christmas purchases are for my nephew. I know that, being ten-months old, he'll like the boxes and paper more than the actual presents themselves, but this Christmas is going to be good.

I usually make most of my presents every year. Last year I made scarves, and the year before that, checkbook covers. This year I haven't had as much time to make things because I purchased and moved into a new house, so the entire fall was busy with packing, visits to the bank, and looking at property. I ended up with a new house that I love, and the best part is that the mortgage is less than rent!

But I am still crafting. I have five different cross-stitch projects--obsessive, I know. I am still working on The Rose of Sharon, but I had to take a break from it after having to tear out 500 stitches (amazing what being 1 stitch off will do to it!). I'm also knitting scarves, crocheting a blanket, and sewing stuff for the house. I'm experiencing craft ADD right now, because I can't stick to one project!

Sex With Kings by Eleanor Herman

One type of book that I'm always on the look-out for is a history book that is full of interesting stories that I can tell my students. History can be so boring in high school, with all its dates and boring political stuff (yawn), so if I can hook my students with a good story about scandal, gore, or sex, I consider that a plus.

I picked up Sex With Kings: Five Hundred Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry and Revenge by Eleanor Herman. I knew from picking it up that the book would be more anecdotal than of scholarly merit. As far as meeting the aims of interesting stories, the book met the goal. But, will I buy the companion novel, Sex With the Queen? I am unsure at this point. As useful it would be in the classroom, the price point and the knowledge that I can get the information from other sources deters me.

As a person trained not only in history but to teach it, the first thing I do when I start to read a work of historical non-fiction is to read through the bibliography. I'm looking for two different types of sources: secondary sources and primary sources. The more primary sources used, the more work the author put into not only the research and the writing, but the composition of the thesis of the book. Looking up information in the index of a book and replicating it is easy; reading stained and torn letters from a century ago is a different thing altogether. In Herman's case, the bibliography is a laundry list of secondary sources, biographies of kings, queens, and mistresses. Most of the publication dates ranged in the latter half of the 20th century, though the earliest came from the early 19th century.

My other issue was the flowery and informal language of the book. At times, Herman's narration resembles a tabloid magazine. In reference to the partitioning of Poland on p. 84,

Poland was no longer a sovereign nation, having lost its territory starting in 1786 to Russia, Prussia, and Austria, in a kind of international gang rape.

Just one example of exaggerated prose, and here is an example of unsubstantiated claims.

It was generally accepted that bastards were more intelligent and better looking than legitimate children.

Poor bastards. The legitimate children, I mean. Herman gives no evidence for this claim--who exactly during the time period (those 500 years) accepted this claim? Was it written in letters, diaries, newspapers? While her book is filled with footnotes, most of them are only for quotes that she borrowed from other books.

Her prose also glorifies the role of the mistress over that of the queen, making most of the royals out to be peevish, ugly malcontents who wished they could be as glamorous and loved as the mistress. Her bias regarding individuals is obvious--she nearly canonizes Madame de Pompadour while vilifying Wallis Simpson as "a woman whose face resembled the metal part of a garden shovel." Herman also prefers Camilla Parker-Bowles over that of Princess Diana, referring to her tantrums and "unruly behavior".

So, the book has served its purpose. I will definitely use some of the anecdotes in class to spark interest in history. C

Tempt Me At Twilight by Lisa Kleypas

Okay, so this is the British cover, but I absolutely love it. Why do they get such classy covers while the States is stuck with pictures of half-naked women?

Tempt Me at Twilight is the third book of the Hathaways series. Both Amelia and Win ended up marrying their Romany lovers, so this story focuses on the story of Poppy.

Poppy is in her third season in London and is expecting a proposal from long-time suitor Michael Bayning. Gentle and conventional, Michael is everything Poppy wanted in a husband. What she didn't count on was that her unconventional family was a mark against her and the appeal she held for Harry Rutledge, the owner of the most successful hotel in London.

Rutledge, whose common past has pushed him to strive for excellence, would do anything to have Poppy, including ruining her chances with Bayning. But is marriage enough for Poppy?

As in all of Lisa Kleypas's books, I really enjoy her characterization. She rarely falls back on relying on the peerage to fill her books, instead mostly choosing more common characters. Her favorite time period is the Victorian period, where the middle class was rising due to the opportunities the Industrial Revolution afforded those willing to take advantage of it. I love her characters.

Where the book falls flat is with the plot. Kleypas's stories are very character-driven, but she also throws in a bit of mystery into each book. Sadly, this one fell flat. The villain was weak and not apparent until 3/4s of the way through the book. I didn't buy it at all.

B. Characters were great, but the plot holes were distracting.

What Happens in London by Julia Quinn

"It was so irritating I couldn't stop."

So says our heroine, Lady Olivia Bevelstoke, about the gothic novel Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron.

I feel your pain, Lady Olivia, I really do. If Miss Butterworth's mother hadn't been pecked to death by pigeons, I'd wonder if her daughter was the heiress to a maple syrup fortune.

Lady Olivia is the beautiful and intelligent daughter of the Earl of Rudland, and the beginning of her story starts on a rather gothic note--rumors surround her new neighbor, Sir Harry Valentine. Did he kill his fiancee? In an effort to find out (for the good of all unmarried young ladies), she begins to spy on him as his office is visible from her bedroom window. Alas, she is far from stealthy as he is well aware of her spying and attempts to create mysteries for her to wonder about. Neither like each other from the beginning, but orders from the War Office throw him into her presence, and that of a Russian prince who wants Olivia for his own.

The usual Regency-era ingredients are there: intelligent young woman, man employed by the War Office, a mysterious foreigner, and plenty of balls and musicales. Oh, and quirky habits of the heroine. Olivia likes to make lists. Lots of them. Some of hers include Unmarried Lady Sorts of Things, Reasons Why I Might Be Crawling About on the Floor, and How I Would Like to Kill My Brother, Version 16. Like most of Quinn's books, her characters are more reminiscent of anachronistic reenactors who attempt to live like Jane Austen and fail miserably.

The use of a gothic novel within the book and the heroine's derision for the genre is ironic. "It was so irritating I could stop," reminded me so much of my own feelings for THIS book that I had to mark it. Then the use of Sir Harry saying "When a man writes a romance, the woman dies. When a woman writes one, it ends all tidy and sweet" had me thinking that I must have heard it before and reminded me of Quinn's use of the word truthiness in her previous book. I would love to be able to find that quote somewhere.

Lastly there was Harry calling Vladimir "Vlad the Impaler." This was too much for me. I saw none of the conventions that would have existed at that time, and I probably should just stick with Jane Austen.

C- for this fluffy, frothy confection. Too sweet, like Marzipan.

ETA 10/19/09: I found this on Julia Quinn's website.

Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron first appeared in It's in His Kiss as one of the books Hyacinth was reading to Lady Danbury. I had no plans ever to use it again, but when I needed Harry to give Olivia an unusual gift, it just popped into my mind. I LOVED writing the passages in this book. It is seriously fun to write bad literature.

Update: Rose of Sharon

Just a quick update on the Rose of Sharon cross-stitch I've been working on. This is where I was before for a quick comparison. 

My Retro Apron

After I made my sister's really cool zebra apron, I decided to make myself one using another pattern in the same pack. The entire apron was made using scraps that I had at home. 

The main part is a blue toile that is the theme of my dining room. My curtains are that main color. It goes really well with the blue transferware I have as my china pattern. I also have placemats from another pattern set that I will have to post. 

The checked accent on the top, pocket, and ruffle match the accent on the placemats. 

The ties are made from a navy blue broadcloth. 

The lining is the only part that can't be seen. I used a blue and white pattern that matches in color. It was the only scrap that I had large enough for the back piece. I had no plans for it, so I'm glad I had a use for it! 

And yes, I also had the pocket monogrammed! 

The button accents are square, and I turned them on the corners in order to add more visual interest. The pattern of the toile is already horizontal, as is the gingham, so I felt that the slight angle to the buttons would give it a pop since I only used two colors. 

Eric by Terry Pratchett

When I was in college, I had to read Christopher Marlowe's The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus. I eventually used the book to hold up the broken leg on my bed. It was just the right height. The book ended up having a rather large whole in it at the end of the semester, but it served its purpose. When I had to read it, I removed it from the top of the pile, and when I was done, I'd return it back to its place. 

Apart from that, I had very little use for it. So, I was quite pleasantly surprised when I found out that Eric was a retelling of Faust, going so far in the book as to cross out the word Faust at the top of each page and writing Eric  in its place. 

The story is based on that of Dr. Faust (or Faustus), who makes a pact with the devil for three wishes. Only the Doctor in this story is none other than preteen Eric, complete with pimples, who calls for a demon only to be sorely disappointed in  Rincewind the wizard. What are Eric's three wishes that he expects Rincewind to fulfill? Simple. 

1. to be king of all the world 

2. to have a smoking hot babe 

3. to live forever

The problem? Rincewind. None of the wishes turn out the way Eric wishes them to due to their being followed by the King of Demons, who is upset that his filing and organizing was disrputed by a summoning gone bad. In another literary nod, this time to Dante's Inferno, the King of Demons has disrupted the various layers of hell by instituting new policies, replacing torture with boredom. 

The historical allusions are also hilarious. The reader meets the Tezumen, who think Eric is their god come to life, Quetzovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, an homage to the Aztecan Quetzalcoatl the Winged Serpent. There is also the Tsortan War, in which Eleanor of Tsort was kidnapped. 

Quite certainly the most enjoyable version of Faust I've come across. The joy of reading Pratchett is finding the allusions and parodies he places in his books. It's never a dull ride! 

Lisa's Baby Blanket

Finally, I finished Lisa's baby blanket! Good thing, too, because I was able to give it to her at the shower two weekends ago. I loved it. She loved it. I believe I can safely say that everyone loved it. 

It even has a pocket! 

It was a very straightforward blanket to make, with the border being done in seed stitch and the interior in knit-stitch. I used Knit Picks Shine Worsted in Cream, Bachelor Button, and Green Apple. The pattern is their own "Sheldon's Blanket", which I got off their website. 

It's so incredibly soft and perfect for a little boy! 

WIP: Rose of Sharon

Lately I've been in a cross-stitching craze. The summer makes it too hot to work on my big knitting projects, and cross-stitching is perfect for when I'm watching television or movies. I'm working on a few projects at the moment, but the one I've been concentrating on is Mirabilia's "Rose of Sharon". 

This is how much I've completed as of yesterday evening. The bottom picture was taken a few days before, and I included it because it contains a picture of the finished project. I am stitching it 2 over 2 on 32 ct. Cobblestone linen. I have made a change to the hair as well, since the original is a blonde. I felt that it blended in too well with the dress, so I changed the hair to brown. I love how it came out, and I am partial to brunettes. :) This is the second time I've changed the hair color on a project, and I'm very pleased with the results. 

Little House on the Prairie

One of the things I have been doing over my summer break (apart from obviously not blogging!) has been watching the show Little House on the Prairie, one of the strongest memories of my childhood. This was one television show that my parents had no problem letting me watch on my own, as it was filled with wholesome family lessons. I don't know which came first, though: watching the show, or reading the books. Both have been such an indelible part of my childhood that I cannot separate which came first. It's my version of the "chicken or the egg?" question that comes up in philosophy and religion classes.  (BTW, I believe it's the chicken, according to Genesis.) 

Of course, having been a fan of both book and show, I noticed some of the differences that existed between the books and the show at an early age. Where was this Walnut Grove that the television show was based in? How did it compare to the little town on the prairie, DeSmet? Did Laura have a baby brother who died? And who the heck is Albert Ingalls? 

I also remembered some of the characters in the show. Among my favorites were Mr. Edwards, who popped up from time to time in the early books, but never in the later. I also liked the character of Nellie Oleson, because she served as such a foil to Laura. Laura was a tomboy, a true pioneer girl without airs. Nellie was the spoiled, snooty girl who had everything material Laura didn't have, but none of the grace and openness of Laura. 

Having read the books and in the process of rediscovering the show, I felt it only proper to read Donald Zochert's biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Laura: The LIfe of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Author of The Little House on the Prairie. I've had the book for a few years, like many of my books, and managed to finish it just this morning. Reading it was a nostalgic trip for me, not because I've ever been to any of the places described, but because of what I read and saw on the show. In my next post, I will write my thoughts on this book and give a review.